The Second Half of My Life
Have you ever wondered where destiny would lead you? Have you ever pondered whether the road you are taking would lead to fulfillment and happiness? Unlike so many of my friends and family, I have always had the sure knowledge of what was expected of me.
It was under a shade tree surrounded by my teddy bears and dolls that it came to me- I would have six children, write books that would help families, have the opportunity to speak and teach all over the world, and I would live to be 97 years old. That is pretty heavy stuff for a six year old.
I shared this epiphany with my mother, and she never doubted the message. She continued to encourage and support me through every milestone until she died in my arms at age 93. Even while nurturing my family of six children and following my husband’s military career, I was gathering the skills to prepare me to “do my own thing.” When my children were grown and my parents were gone, I realized that the portion of my life devoted to care-giving and nurturing of my family was complete.
I had 40 years of productive time left on this earth to accomplish all I had set forth to do. However, after carrying so much physical weight on my body for years, I was facing inevitable diabetes and arthritis. My future looked like pain, wheel chairs and doctor’s offices. Unless I took action, medical complications would curtail me from fulfilling my destiny.
I approached this issue as I have the many books I have written. I investigated “one more diet” that I could live with for the rest of my life. I interviewed over 100 men and women across the country that had tried the same diets that didn’t work before finally finding a method that proved successful. My mind was made up. I chose gastric bypass surgery as a one-time solution. On July 30, 2002, I underwent a procedure called laparoscopic Roux-en-Y. This surgery creates a small stomach pouch which holds less than a cup of food. A section of the small intestine is attached to the pouch that absorbs less food than before. Most patients lose over half their excess weight in the first year and a half. Since my operation, I have lost 115 pounds. This is equivalent to the combined weight of my three granddaughters, Amanda, Lexi and Melissa!
For the first time in years, I feel normal and in control when making food choices. Now I am able to enjoy life to the fullest and have the energy and stamina required helping other families raise their standard of living through my books and workshops. Finally, my spirit and body are in sync and I am ready to go forward. I am able to concentrate on my spirit’s promptings during yoga because I am no longer concerned with whether my body will be able to balance, bend or straighten up. For me, this option was a success. It gave me the ability to concentrate again on my writing, and to feel confident when I facilitate workshops or speak to groups. Yes, I have met my goal of being an international speaker and writer!
To travel, teach, and fulfill my destiny I must be a woman of strength, and I must maintain that spirit and energy for the rest of my life. We each create our own reality by our thoughts, actions and belief systems. Hopefully that belief system will include guardian angels and a success team who will guide and assist us in our journey.
I have an obligation to that little girl under the shade tree who understood her life’s purpose half a life time ago. The message that was shared with me and I now share with my children, my grandchildren, and the families that I work with is to listen carefully to the still small voice within that tells us we are important and have something of value to share with the world. The time to share your unique gift may not be now, but it will be someday and so always be in the process of becoming, learning and growing. Be open to possibilities that life and the angels have in store for you, and you will find the right road to fulfillment of your destiny.
This article was written by Judy H. Wright, Missoula, Mt for a book called Women of Strength and Spirit. Soon to be available on her website: www.ArtichokePress.com To sign up for the free e-zine, purchase books, tapes and workshops on human relations in the journey of life, please go to the website or call 406-549-9813
Judy H. Wright is an author of over 20 books and many articles on human relations. Although she does much work on a national level concerning Hospice and end-of-life, she works as a parent educator in her daily life. She feels strongly that her destiny is to touch the lives of young parents, internationally, to teach them common sense methods of child rearing that will enhance the harmony and dignity of the whole family. For more information please go to ArtichokePress.com
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Weight Control: Operationalizing Your Plans
We have such good weight loss intentions. We emotionally beat ourselves up for lack of self-discipline, weakness, cheating. We swear to change, to put looks and health ahead of comfort and self-indulgence. We promise to change. We want, more than almost anything else, to be the svelte, attractive individual we see in our own minds.
Before you run off, filled with enthusiasm for your latest, greatest, and final (you swear) weight control plans, slow down and take the time to operationalize your goals and the likelihood of your success will increase exponentially.
Here is one method:
“I’m going to lose 25 pounds before summer so I can feel comfortable in a bathing suit.”
Take that dream and break it down into specific, limited steps:
1. Take at least a week to carefully select the diet, eating plan, or exercise routine you intend to follow.
2. Aim to adhere to your plan for at least 5 days per week for the loss of one pound.
3. If weight loss is less than a pound, determine to follow your plan for 7 days per week until you reach that one pound per week goal.
4. If you lose more than a pound, smile and enjoy.
5. Limit new or additional exercise routines to 10 minutes at a time, once per day, 3 days per week. You may easily want to do more but try to limit yourself. That will keep your desires strong and have you eagerly looking forward to the second month when you can expand your routines substantially.
“I’m going to let everyone know that this time is it – I am truly determined to reach my goal.”
Before you share your intentions with everyone, pause and consider:
1. There are some advantages to having family and friends know about your plans. Not wanting to disappoint them or appear as a failure in their eyes may motivate you to bypass the inevitable temptations that frequently arise. However, you do expose yourself to disapproval if your goals are not met or if you encounter the dreaded plateau which others often do not understand.
2. Determine who should know. If you have a history of failed weight control attempts, the response to your newest plan may be only a cynical shrug or, worse, the negative response of “Why is this time any different? You’ve never stuck to it before.” If you suspect that you might hear something like that, don’t say anything about your plans until you are well on your way.
3. Do family members or friends have a vested interest in seeing you remain overweight? Do your fat friends fear that your success will make them feel bad about themselves? When you diet, do you become cranky and difficult for your family to live with? Does your spouse or parent equate food with love and can’t handle your rejection of their treats?
4. Don’t be a diet bore. No one else (unless you belong to a weight control support group) is half as interested as you are (right now) in the number of calories, grams of fat and carbohydrates in everything on the table, nor why what they are eating is bad for them.
5. Consider not telling anyone about your plans and make a game of it. Rather than saying “That looks good but I can’t have any,” fool everyone by stating “Sorry, but I just feel like having a salad . . . I just want a hamburger without that soggy bun . . . I have this recent craving for fish/vegetables.” No one will second guess your decisions on what to eat when you make it clear that it is your choice, not an unpleasant necessity. When they notice that you have lost weight, pretend to be surprised and watch them roll their eyes in envy.
“I love this new eating plan because I can have so many tasty meals if I just make a few substitutions.”
Ah, the so human desire to avoid pain is alive and well. Analyze your thoughts:
1. Face the fact squarely that dieting is not going to be a festive cruise through delicious and taste-tempting fodder. Yes, there are ways to make cottage cheese less chalky and spike vegetables with extra flavor. Later, when you reach your goal, you can start to indulge your epicurean creativity. For the initial, drastic steps, you are going to have to seek fun and satisfaction in other pursuits while acknowledging that, for now, food isn’t very exciting. Grin and bear it: the less tempting your plate, the easier it is not to overeat. Remember that you are trying to fight temptation not encourage it.
2. Be honest with yourself and don’t try to circumvent your plans by relying on claims you know are false. If you are pursuing low carb eating, candy bars which claim to be “low carb” are not something you want to devour with abandon. Whole grain bread is nutritious but consuming everything in the form of a sandwich will never result in reaching your goal. If your diet advises “Any amount from Column C,” use your intelligence to see that it doesn’t mean stuffing yourself completely, and often, even if your intake is limited to vegetables, protein, or whatever your plan allows.
3. While skipping meals can often cause problems, cutting out courses is usually totally beneficial. Who decreed that a meal should conclude with dessert? The goal is to curb that sweet tooth, not assuage it. Why mess with “low calorie” treats such as jello or fruit compote when you can skip dessert entirely and opt for a cup of freshly brewed coffee or green tea?
“This time, it’s different. I really want to lose weight and look good in my clothes.”
Have you ever heard yourself say that before? Consider a little personal introspection:
1. Why is this time different? When you tried to lose weight in the past, weren’t you as equally determined? What about your life is different this time? Is the diet new and may work better than those you have tried in the past? Have you become increasingly worried about what overweight may mean to your health and longevity? Are you newly single and feel that appearance is suddenly more important than enjoying fine dining?
2. Has your attitude about food changed? If you continue to think about food, watch television cooking shows (just looking for low calorie recipes, of course), and plan meals with anticipation, you are doomed. As long as you remain tied to the American national infatuation with food, you will never really take control of your weight
3. Examine and modify your attitudes about food. Push eating into a non-dominant section of your overall lifestyle and maximize your pleasure in non-food pursuits. That is the secret to regaining control of your weight, your health, and your ability to live a live without the compulsions that have kept you a prisoner inside the bloated body you detest.
Complete analysis of how you are going to set your goals and how you will handle the requirements of “real life” is what can set your present effort apart from prior attempts, and prior failures. Successful long term weight control is more than what you eat, it is what you are.
Virginia Bola is a licensed psychologist and an admitted diet fanatic. She specializes in therapeutic reframing and the effects of attitudes and motivation on individual goals. The author of The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a free ezine, The Worker’s Edge, she recently completed a psychologically-based weight control book: Diet with an Attitude: A Weight Loss Workbook. She can be reached at DietWithAnAttitude.com
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